Paradigm Shift

So today I caught myself feeling sorry for myself. I have been worrying about money and comparing what I have to others in a similar position as me. What I mean by that is other expats working here in Dar, a relatively expensive city.

I seem to have temporarily forgotten one of my favourite quotes:

“Comparison is the thief of joy”- Theodore Roosevelt

Okay, so I realized I needed to have a paradigm shift. There are zillions of people with more money than me and I have never cared about it in the past. The irony is that I began to focus on it while in Tanzania surrounded by people with so much less than me. I am aware that I sound like a total jerk right now. So what was this about?

Well, much of the expat population has a lot of money. People often take jobs here because of the money they can make- definitely not the reason I am here. However, there is a certain way many expats live here in Dar. They go out to restaurants, they party, they drive cars. I now realize this was all about fear for me. Safety, comfort, and a social life come at a price here and I was feeling like I couldn't have those aspects of life that are important to me, based on lack of finances.

Last night I went out for a social networking event to try to make some more friends around here but realized it's not the lifestyle I want here anyway. I don't like to drink a lot back home, I certainly don't need to do it here. I don't want to form superficial friendships based in that environment either.

I can still go out now and then but it turns out I'm actually pretty happy experimenting in my kitchen with new ingredients that I don't use back home.  Besides, some of my favorite moments here are working on my Swahili chatting with the staff that work here in my hotel/apartment,going to the little Dukas (small shops) to buy produce and making small talk with the owners. Those experiences are what matter to me now and I will remember in the future. And they don't cost me anything. I may not be able to go out to the restaurants targeted toward westerners as much as my expat friends and co-worker but I just may have some experiences they don’t because of it.

The reality is, I have so much to be grateful for and am in such a position of privilege that it is embarrassing to admit I was evening struggling with this issue for a second.

It feels much better to accept the circumstances and figure out how to look at it differently. Just to keep the gender equity in quoting, and sum up the lesson I have learned, here is a great one from Eleanor Roosevelt:

“It is better to light a candle than to curse the darkness”

Well well, looky here. It didn't cost a penny to sit on this beach. I am so lucky!